Robert Hampton

The BBC is reportedly axing 6Music and the Asian Network (actually they’re axing far more than that, according to the leaked report which the Times gleefully printed). My exposure to BBC 6Music has been limited to the Adam and Joe podcasts, so on the face of it I shouldn’t be bothered by the threatened closure. But I am, and I will try to explain why.

The BBC’s digital channels have long been a target for the corporation’s enemies. In the early days the Daily Mail criticised the BBC for wasting money on channels which no-one watched (and, given that BBC Choice launched in September 1998 before any digital TV receivers became available for the public to buy, they did briefly have a point). Last year, Sky boss James Murdoch criticised the BBC’s expansion. And of course there is a long list of BBC Three programme titles ready to be dropped into a Richard Littlejohn piece at the right point.

The BBC’s radio stations generally, meanwhile, have come in for criticism from commercial rivals. This ignores the fact that, almost without exception, commercial radio is total crap (or should that be Absolute crap?) with unimaginative playlists, annoying presenters, far too many adverts and “local” stations which are often broadcast from a playout server 200 miles away from their licence area. And that’s just music radio, not speech — if BBC Radio 4 closed down tomorrow, would GCap Media step in with their own replacement?

The real problem here is that no-one (including, it seems, BBC management) knows what the corporation is supposed to be doing. Is it supposed to broadcast entertainment and information for the masses (in which case, CLOSE IT DOWN because commercial channels can do that) or is it supposed to broadcast niche programmes of interest to a small minority (in which case, CLOSE IT DOWN because satellite or cable channels funded by subscription can do that)?

My own view is that the BBC is funded by everyone, and therefore has the opportunity (and in fact a responsibility) to be all things to all people. That’s why I’m trying to avoid a “How can the BBC axe (x) when they spend millions on (y)“-type post (where (x) is a show I like, and (y) is probably Top Gear), because programme (y) is going to be of interest to someone, even if it’s not me. Stations like 6Music and the Asian Network are an essential part of that “something for everyone” mix.

The Tories, unsurprisingly, welcomed the move. An incoming Conservative government (I know, I’m scared too) is likely to impose far more radical cuts on the BBC (and everything else, for that matter), so this could just be the start of a very painful period for Auntie.

Very sad news about Clement Freud. I remember the first time I tuned into Just a Minute on Radio 4. It would have been 1999-ish and I was listening purely because a few people on a Whose Line is it Anyway? forum were raving about it.

The first voice I heard was the lugubrious tones of Freud, and at first I thought all my suspicions, about Radio 4 being a home for dull upper-class people, were true. But then I listened more, and soon he was delighting me with the incredibly funny things coming out of his mouth, all delivered in that brilliantly deadpan manner.

This Just a Minute blog has some of his best lines.

You can argue till you’re blue in the face about the merits of the Licence Fee, but as long as Chris Moyles reigns at Radio 1, using his position to make juvenile, stupid, bigoted comments, anti-BBC campaigners have a solid counter-argument.

Chris Moyles has been censured by Ofcom for condoning negative stereotypes of gay people, after the DJ made what the media regulator ruled were derogatory comments about Will Young on his BBC Radio 1 breakfast show.

Moyles changed the lyrics of two of Young’s songs, Evergreen and Leave Right Now, and sang them in “an effeminate and high pitched voice”, according to Ofcom.

What will it take for him to be sacked?

January was marked with a sentiment many Liverpudlians expressed in the final months of 2007, namely that while we wanted Capital of Culture year to go well, there was a nagging suspicion that it would go awry.For me, this question was resolved by the spectacular opening ceremony, spoiled only by Ringo Starr mouthing off on Jonathan Ross’s show.

Meanwhile, on the blog, I started a new regular feature, Hampo’s Book Club — if I interpret the word “regular” strictly, the next installment is due a week next Tuesday. I also took time to laugh at the nasty mobile phones sold by TJ Hughes, before getting incredibly maudlin and deciding to hide from Google, a daft decision which I swiftly reversed.

February brought us Liverpool: The Number Ones Album, a compilation of covers by — it has to be said — mostly second tier Liverpool artists. The good (Anthony Hannah’s cover of Relax) mingled with the bad (Connie Lush?) and the just plain entertaining (The Scaffold!).

I championed the humble semicolon, before spending an uncharacteristic three hours outdoors exploring the Wirral peninsula, and jolly nice it was too. Sun and Cloud returned for one of their occasional appearances.

In the news, the Children’s Commissioner said that maybe damaging children’s hearing wasn’t the best way to get rid of scallies hanging around outside corner shops, and a predictable knee-jerk reaction ensued. A brilliant photo appeared on Flickr of two smashed up Merseyrail trains.

Read the rest of this entry »

I know, I haven’t blogged for over a week. I’M BAD AT THE INTERNET. But now I’m back, ready to post items which may be of interest. Or not.

• One of the main roads into Liverpool City Centre has been closed after a sewer collapsed underneath it — normally this would be of no interest to me whatsover, but the same sewer passes directly under the railway line I use to travel to work on a daily basis. Despite the heroic efforts of United Utilities, St Michaels station floods every time there’s a light drizzle and yours truly has ended up on an Arriva bus in a traffic jam on two separate occasions.

• John Barrowman apologises for exposing himself on a Radio 1 show, following a complaint by a person who clearly doesn’t understand the concept of radio.

• Remember RISC OS, the computer operating system which was great when first released in 1988, but struggled to keep up with Windows and was eventually left in the dust? It’s now available to download for a fiver. Sadly in today’s market it’s still overpriced by about £4.50, but the nostalgic may relish the opportunity to have a legal copy to plug into an emulator.

• Steve Coogan says his Liverpool show got bad reviews, not because it was a half-arsed performance, but (of COURSE!) because the Scouse audience hated Mancunians. The reaction locally was… predictable (although to be fair, for once Paddy Shennan has a point).

• Many people have suspected as much for some time, but now it’s official: The Simpsons is over as an icon of subversive pop culture. How do I know? The Daily Mail has run an article praising the show.

• Staying on the same subject, the Mail on Sunday has decided to launch its own music label, or as Paul McInnes puts it on the Guardian music blog: “As if belonging to one industry with a death wish wasn’t enough, now the Mail wants to get into another!”

  The new label will be called Mail On Sunday Sounds (MOSS) and launched with a free giveaway of a CD by a Gospel choir. Contrary to rumours, they won’t have any recordings featuring Mick Jagger or Keith Richards, because MOSS gathers no Rolling Stones.

It has its own sidebar on the BBC News site, and approximately one million pointless blog entries on MediaGuardian — the Brand/Ross “phone prank scandal” is officially big news. It’s even attracted a comment from Gordon Brown, who apparently has nothing more important to focus on. Everyone else seems to have weighed in, so here are my thoughts on the matter.

I quite like Russell Brand. I never listened to his Radio 2 show, but I’ve enjoyed much of the stuff he’s done on telly (Ponderland was a pleasant surprise, and he was one of the best guests to grace the panel of HIGNFY this year). This isn’t the first time he’s crossed the line, but I can’t imagine that the Daily Mail will get their wish and see him disappear into obscurity.

However, despite what the majority of Radio 1 listeners apparently think, I don’t think Brand and Ross’s antics were funny or clever. Yes, comedy should be all about challenging preconceptions and pushing boundaries, but this didn’t do that — it was just… well, stupid.

Has the BBC over-reacted in the face of a tabloid witch-hunt? Yes, but they did themselves no favours by hiding behind bland statements from anonymous spokesmen for days, while the corporation’s enemies were demanding blood. The BBC’s slowness to respond has allowed the tabloids to fuel the story with plenty of good old-fashioned hysteria.

Now its time to get a sense of proportion: at this moment Google News reports 4,115 articles about this kerfuffle. Meanwhile people are dying in wars, losing jobs, and having their civil liberties taken away — can we start reading about that on the front pages please?

Some very good news: I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue will continue.

Whether the show will succeed without Humphrey Lyttelton depends very much on who they get to take over. I can’t think of anyone who could match his deadpan delivery.

Humphrey Lyttelton dies at 86

I remember reading an article about I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue which stated, “Humph could read the dirtiest single-entendres as if they were shopping lists.” His deadpan presence in the chair was surely a massive part of Clue‘s enduring success.

It’s very rare that a single person’s death affects an entire broadcast network, but I think it’s true to say that Radio 4 will be much poorer for his absence.

Not much more I can add really. Here’s the BBC’s obituary.

One less reason to carry on living:

The spring series of BBC Radio 4′s comedy show I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue has been cancelled after long-serving presenter Humphrey Lyttelton was admitted to hospital.

I’m glad I hit the Snooze button on my alarm clock this morning, because as a result I was still next to the radio when this happened live on Radio 4 this morning.

Poor Charlotte Green – when I listened to the News Quiz (before it became insufferably smug) the best part was usually her reading out the press cuttings, often struggling to get through them without laughing.

TV and radio star Jeremy Beadle dies. Watch out for a million lazy articles in tomorrow’s papers describing him as “the most hated man in Britain” etc. I never really understood that; he came up to Merseyside to do panto a couple of years ago and he sat in with Pete Price on the Radio City phone-in one night, where he came across a genuinely nice and engaging person (Beadle, not Price, obviously). He even listened patiently to a dull woman who insisted on telling him her idea for a TV show.

I also have to admit to loving Beadle’s About when I was a kid. At its height, it was as funny and entertaining as Balls of Steel thinks it is.

In fact, how do we know it’s not an elaborate prank now? He could show up at his own funeral in a bad wig and sunglasses. “Thanks for being a great sport!”

Quite possibly the radio highlight of the year: Rob Brydon singing Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Mr Hitler? to the tune of Yesterday Once More on the opening episode of I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue.

You HAVE to listen to it: follow the link here (it starts at about the 11:20 mark, but of course the rest of the show is a must-listen too).

Russia is pointing nuclear weapons at us, Tony Blair is still Prime Minister and Big Brother is occupying 80% of all newspaper and TV airtime, but forget all that and rejoice, for I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue is back! With Stephen Fry! And jokes at the expense of ITV Play!

Glancing through my TV listings magazine the other day, I was pleased to notice a late-night programme called ITV Play, and anticipated a cultural experience with an hour or two of Pinter or Ayckbourn. You can imagine my surprise on tuning in to find a pair of chavs asking me to phone up to guess how many sides there are on a triangle. Now the BBC are at it. Well, as a long-time supporter of public service broadcasting I’ll tell them where they can stick their ill-gained profits… Straight in my top pocket, as soon as we finish this week’s I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Chance premium-rate phone quiz.

• …watching the most excellent Win, Lose or Draw on Challenge and pretending it’s school holidays, circa 1998.
• …looking at pictures of rusty trains, which made him feel depressed.
• …listening to the great Ross Noble On… CD which just arrived from Amazon.
• …relieved to receive his new debit card, days before the old one was due to expire.
• …celebrating because a model railway featured as a major plot point in tonight’s Neighbours.
• …pondering why he keeps getting a 404 Not Found error when he tries to post this entry (I think I’ve accidentally triggered some hidden WordPress security feature by trying to include an Amazon referral link).

In a rare show of generosity, my employers have graciously permitted us to have some background music while we work.

The radio in our office is tuned, for some reason, to Wirral’s Buzz 97.1. They have an annoying “fast-paced” style to their news bulletins, with a very brief weather forecast read out beforehand. It’s OK in theory, but this morning the newsreader started her 10am bulletin with the hilarious-sounding (to me, anyway) sentence, “Blustery and wet, I’m Alina Cavanagh.”