Robert Hampton

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25th March 2006

Oh, what the hell; let’s say it’s Adventures in Public Transport, part XXII
Posted by at 9.26pm | Uncategorised | No responses

Here’s something I’ve been pondering for a while: the perennial problem of people putting feet on seats on public transport. Let’s leave aside the fact that they’re depositing accumulated dog turds, chewing gum and miscellaneous street dirt on a seat which someone else may want to sit on, and concentrate on the main issue; namely, why do they do it at all?

I ask this because I have, in my weaker moments, tried slouching with my feet on the opposite seat, and I can’t find a position where I can get comfortable — within moments I get a pain in my back.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think Merseyrail should junk that poster featuring a hilariously caricatured cartoon of a scally and replace it with a big warning: “Don’t you care about your posture?! THINK OF YOUR LUMBAR REGION!!!”

And this is why I don’t work in advertising. Or in any other noteworthy career.

24th March 2006

Misery Tunnels Ha Ha Ha!
Posted by at 6.45pm | Uncategorised | No responses

Life could get interesting for Wirral commuters this Tuesday:-

Merseytravel regret that due to industrial action it will be necessary to close both the Kingsway and Queensway Tunnels to all traffic from 11.30pm on Monday evening until 12.30am on Wednesday morning.

Similarly the Mersey Ferries will not operate for the duration of the stoppage and commuter traffic will be catered for by Merseyrail Electrics who will honour cross-river tickets.

Merseyrail will also increase the number of carriages operating on the Wirral Line to help cope with the increased demand.

…so if you want to drive from Birkenhead to Liverpool, you’ll have to go via Runcorn. :)

22nd March 2006

Should that say “most stupid”?
Posted by at 6.34pm | Uncategorised | No responses

I’ve just realised that this all happened nearly three years ago; it really doesn’t seem that long. And at the risk of sounding like an especially preachy Saved by the Bell episode, dropping out like that was, hands down, the stupidest thing that I ever did.

Well, it’s now nearly six years ago, and as we “celebrate” the 3rd anniversary of this humble blog, I think it’s time to revisit the first post and re-examine things with the benefit of hindsight. More hindsight.

Read the rest of this post »

21st March 2006

I promised myself I’d never do these
Posted by at 10.56pm | Uncategorised | No responses

Zero for “Love”? ZERO?!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 5.6
Mind: 6
Body: 6.7
Spirit: 6
Friends/Family: 3
Love: 0
Finance: 6.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

I feel like Birmingham City. :(

20th March 2006

The things Metro readers say!
Posted by at 9.00am | Uncategorised | No responses

Whenever I am down, I just have to look at Will [Young], see that hat on at a jaunty angle and I can’t help but feel reassured that everything is going to be all right. Cheers Will.

No, cheers to you, Anthony Woodfield from Birmingham.

16th March 2006

It’s a culinary adventure
Posted by at 8.27pm | Uncategorised | No responses

I was hugely saddened when Points of View-baiting Saturday morning show Dick and Dom in da Bungalow drew to a close at the weekend, so I was thrilled to come across a fan site offering music and video clips.

Highly recommended is the Stoke-on-Trent song. (“It’s a vibrant mix of the great and the good / Like Reginald ‘Spitfire’ Mitchell and Josiah Wedgwood“) but I suggest you spend at least a few minutes clicking through the links to remember one of the greats of kids telly.

Seemingly loathed by just about everyone over the age of 13, hopefully it will be remembered by people who actually watched it as a show which was freewheeling, funny and inventive right up to the end. Love it or hate it, we shall surely never see its like again.

14th March 2006

Shaft
Posted by at 4.31pm | Uncategorised | No responses

Isaac Hayes has quit South Park because it features “inappropriate ridicule” of religion. Earlier this year the show did an episode satirising Scientology, having previously “done” Catholicism and other religions.

Leaving aside this specific case, I did start thinking more generally about the whole religious mockery issue. From South Park to Jerry Springer: The Opera to the Danish cartoon controversy, it seems that whenever religious types campaign for religion to be respected, what they really want is for their religion to be respected.

We’d all be better off without religion. (controversial!)

12th March 2006

There’s snow business like snow business
Posted by at 2.01pm | Uncategorised | No responses

Snowman

My sister and her boyfriend built the snowman, so please address all derogatory comments to Jenny and Carl. Thank you.

11th March 2006

Adventures in Public Transport, part XXI
Posted by at 3.15pm | Uncategorised | No responses

Let’s rewind to Thursday night, where once more, a drunk man zeroed in on me on the train. “Where’s this train going?” “Hunts Cross” “Oh shit, I’m on the wrong train, I want to go to Southport.” “Yes, you’re going the wrong way.” “Where are we going?” “Hunts Cross. But if you get off at Brunswick…” “I’m going the wrong way.” “Yes, get off at Brunswick and cross over and get the train back to Central.”

Seems that I’m a magnet for drunk men, and not in a good way. I hope he got home OK; it was 11.15pm and we were on the penultimate southbound train of the night, which was due to pass the final northbound train at Brunswick. There’s something deeply disconcerting about arriving at Liverpool Central and seeing that the “next 3 trains” indicator is only showing two trains on it… BECAUSE THERE ARE NO MORE TRAINS AFTER THAT!

On the subject of trains, I’ve noticed that crap but free newspaper Metro is now available to Merseyrail punters. The end result being that trains are now littered with discarded Metros in addition to the crisp packets and lager cans that were there previously. However, it was worth it for the amusing celebrity lookalike they printed. Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.

10th March 2006

Insert soap in shower joke here
Posted by at 11.39pm | Uncategorised | No responses

An extra-rare treat for you all now: a work-related rant! Part of my job involves calling prisons to arrange for solicitors from the firm I work for to go and visit — yes that’s the type of work I’m in: lovely, isn’t it?

Anyway, I had cause to phone two separate prisons today. The switchboard operator at the first managed to keep me on hold for an inordinate length of time before cutting me off. This happened not once, not twice, but thrice! The second prison informed me that they had no visiting slots for next week, but were not yet taking bookings for the week after, so if I wanted to arrange a visit — tough.

Suffice to say, by the time I finished dealing with them I felt like killing someone. I resisted the urge, however — mainly because I’d end up in prison and, judging from my experience today, I’d never get any visitors.

I hate my job. On the plus side, on Monday we have an off-site meeting which will be a complete waste of time and provide ample opportunities for me to practise my “I’m paying attention to what you’re saying and not daydreaming of adventures in far-off lands, honest” face.

The title of this post could do with a bit of extra punctuation for clarity. Oh well.