Robert Hampton

I want one of these on Merseyrail.

Liverpool regeneration authorities are complaining that Google’s satellite photos are out of date:-

Jenny Douglas, planning director of Liverpool Vision, said: “The current Google Earth images show roofing work still under way at Lime Street train station.

“This work took place between 2000 and 2001, which means the Google Earth images are at least five years old.”

See for yourself. Google must make this their top priority, because anyone planning their holiday would obviously do it entirely on the basis of a blurred satellite photo.

The Coventry City squad were forced to travel by tube to their match against QPR, after the team bus got stuck in traffic. Quoth the manager:

“We bought 23 single tickets at Hanger Lane station and our unsung hero was Jay Tabb, who knew we had to change at Hammersmith to go to Shepherd’s Bush.”

Hurray for Jay Tabb. He loses points, however, for not knowing about Oyster pay-as-you-go. 23 singles at 3 quid a throw for a paper ticket? That’s £69!

Not sure why eBay thought I’d be interested in this e-mail:

This amused me: thieves broke into a designer clothing store in Liverpool last night and stole 20 shoes. However, the shoes were not set out in pairs, so the criminals have successfully stolen 20 right-footed shoes without the corresponding left shoes.

Heather Mills is NOT a suspect.

So farewell then, Garston station.

I used you precisely once, on 10th June, just so I could look at you before you closed.

Garston station, 1864-1972, 1978-2006

*hums funeral dirge*

I don’t normally do the lottery, but I had a good feeling about the duodecuple rollover in the EuroMillions draw, so splashed out on three tickets.

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Sky has bought an 18% stake in ITV, which, depending on your point of view, is either great news or a sign of the impending apocalypse.

In other news, if you’re still unsure as to whether tonight’s Children in Need ‘extravaganza’ (it says here) is worth watching, I can inform you that the billing in tonight’s Echo promises a special appearance by the cast of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. It doesn’t state how much would need to be pledged for them to promise never to make another series of that crime against comedy.

Oh, well done. Another heroic victory in the ongoing war on burgers. The “obesity crisis” is solved! There shall be no more fat children, ever.

Of course, we’ll be subjected to even more shit telly as broadcasters cut costs to make up for the hole in their funds. Meanwhile, kids will be left without any decent programmes, with only the BBC bothering to invest in children’s television — and even that will be in danger of stagnation due to lack of commercial competition to keep them on their toes.

What happened to tackling the root causes of problems, instead of headline-grabbing stunts which won’t solve the long-term issue?

Oh, sorry, I forgot — this shower are still in charge. Mutter mumble grumble Nanny State etc…

KFC has installed a giant version of its logo in the Nevada desert, which is so enormous it can be seen from space. It’s a brilliant gimmick which is sure to appeal to the target audience of… er, astronauts?

My The IT Crowd DVD arrived!

Having only seen two episodes of the series when it was broadcast earlier this year, I was a little unsure as to whether I should buy this. However, when the copyright notice appeared in the style of a C64 loading screen, I knew I’d made a good purchase.

I like to think it was my recommendation that resulted in this:-

Emap has won the new FM local radio licence in Liverpool with a speech radio format, City Talk.

News, comedy, sport and “local issues” programmes are promised. If Radio City can pull this off successfully (given that proper, intelligent, speech radio can be quite expensive) this could quite possibly be the best thing to happen to radio in Liverpool for a long time.

But please don’t go down the American road of phone-ins starring loud-mouthed right-wingers.

From today’s Metro (video linked from that page):-

A dangerous prank quite literally backfired and landed a 22-year-old squaddie in hospital with a scorched colon – after he stuck a firework up his bottom.

The soldier inserted a rocket in a place definitely not recommended by the Fireworks Code and, as onlookers cheered, lit the blue touchpaper.

You’ll never guess where this man got the idea to do something so incredibly idiotic:-

Onlookers said the man was mimicking a scene from Jackass where the character Steve-O shoots a firework from his rear.

…actually, you probably could have guessed that.

This morning I was forced onto the buses by a failed train at Liverpool South Parkway.

Then some pompous woman accused me of trying to push in the bus queue (which I wasn’t; I was doing the Trio ticket shuffle, a long-standing Liverpool tradition whereby people with passes form a separate line to those paying cash fares).

I was in a grumpy mood due to the aforementioned unavailability of train services, but was too tired to come up with a reply other than a sarcastic, “you’re a happy person, aren’t you?”

I’ve just thought of a much wittier reply to her, but it’s now obviously far too late.

Yes, I know having a noisy front page is annoying, but you know what? I don’t care! Mwahaha!

Happy Guy Fawkes Night, everybody!