Robert Hampton

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July 2007

1st July 2007

Lots of hyphens in that 4th paragraph
Posted by at 6.16pm | In the News | No responses

I took down my crap joke because as the weekend wore on, it became less and less funny.

The unsettling thing about the terror alerts over the weekend is that the powers-that-be appear to have had no inkling that an attack was going to happen. Carnage was avoided mainly by sheer good fortune (failure of the explosives to detonate) and alertness from people in the vicinity (the ambulance crew who spotted the suspicious car in London).

London and Glasgow are fairly distant, but then it came horribly close to home when someone was arrested just off Penny Lane.

I have a sinking feeling that a whole load of ill-thought-out and civil-liberty-eroding anti-terror legislation will be rushed through Parliament in the near future, all in the name of “keeping people safe”. Sigh.

I was flicking around the news channels last night and briefly found myself watching Fox News (I know, I’m sorry). One of their reporters described Liverpool Airport as “a very small airport”. Hmph!

2nd July 2007

Noah’s Ark
Posted by at 6.17pm | In the News | No responses

I don’t mind rain too much, but there does come a point where even I have to start wondering just how much more water there can possibly be in the sky.

Meanwhile, the Bishop of Carlisle has suggested that the floods afflicting much of the UK are “a judgment on society’s moral decadence”. Which is certainly true — just check out today’s weather forecast:-

A persistent band of divorce is crossing the North of England, bringing with it heavy showers and the odd rumble of thunder. There are isolated outbreaks of sodomy in London and the surrounding area and drivers are being asked to take care on the roads. Meanwhile, in Scotland teenagers are still getting sex education, so watch out for violent tornadoes and hurricanes across the Strathclyde region.

This situation will persist until Wednesday, when a band of righteousness sweeps in from across the Atlantic, bringing with it persistent sunny spells and temperatures as high as 25 degrees inland. It will be slightly cooler near to the coast, especially Blackpool where God isn’t happy about all those hen parties.

There is still a slight chance of showers if a woman has an abortion, so be sure to take an umbrella with you, just in case.

3rd July 2007

Party like it’s 1989
Posted by at 10.08pm | Television | No responses

Oh, this is interesting: ITV have launched a new site offering classic TV shows to view online, including episodes of World in Action, Jeeves and Wooster and Press Gang!

4th July 2007

Robert needs your permission to continue

Remember the Active Desktop? No? Good! Take a stroll down Memory Lane with The 20 Worst Windows Features of All Time.

5th July 2007

I enjoyed it so much I stabbed myself in both eyes with a pencil
Posted by at 6.28pm | Television | No responses

If you missed the superior instalment of Never Mind the Buzzcocks with Bill Oddie and Stewart Lee when it was repeated last night, check out the YouTube-y goodness. (Part 2, Part 3)

6th July 2007

I’m thirsty. You wouldn’t like me when I’m thirsty.
Posted by at 11.07pm | In the News | No responses

Let’s be clear about this; I’m not opposed to organised labour through a collective bargaining arrangement, I’m really not. So when Network Rail staff threaten to strike, or Royal Mail workers up sticks and walk out, I’m not particularly bothered. I just shrug my shoulders. “They’re exercising their democratic right,” I say to myself.

But now things have gone a step too far, and I have to stand up and say to all concerned, with utmost seriousness: DON’T fuck with my Coca-Cola supply.

7th July 2007

DL and Pascoe
Posted by at 11.26pm | It's My Life | No responses

Today I have learned how to use the envelope printing function on my Samsung laser printer to produce professional-looking envelopes.

Try not to get too jealous of my exciting life.

17th July 2007

On your (or rather, his) bike

I don’t live in London, so I’m not affected by the day-to-day shenanigans of the 2012 Olympics (“it’ll benefit the whole country” — yeah, right), congestion charging and signal failures on the Northern Line — unless it’s this Northern Line.

I have the advantage of distance, which means I’m fairly safe from the consequences of saying: VOTE BORIS!.

21st July 2007

Remember your very first girlfriend?
Posted by at 2.24pm | Fun, It's My Life | No responses

Apologies for the light blogging recently, but there hasn’t really been very much to report.

In the meantime, here’s something amusing I stumbled across: 15 Unfortunately Placed Ads.

22nd July 2007

Won’t you come home, Bill Bailey?
Posted by at 6.29pm | Music | No responses

If true, officially the greatest thing to happen, ever:-

Musical stand-up Bill Bailey is to put himself forward for the United Kingdom’s next entry for the Eurovision Song Contest.

The only problem is that he’ll have to go through the Making Your Mind Up voting process, and the Great British Public’s track record in recent years is shaky, to say the least.

24th July 2007

You Choo Choo Choose Me?
Posted by at 11.59pm | Trains | 2 responses

Not done a proper post about trains for a while, but there have been a few interesting developments on the railways recently which are worthy of discussion, so here goes…

First of which has been the devastating/positive (delete as applicable) news a couple of weeks ago that Arriva have snatched Cross Country Trains away from Virgin Trains. Doesn’t actually affect me that much, since Liverpool was unceremoniously deleted from the XC network quite some time ago (grr) but the good news is the triumphant return of the HST!

Cross Country HST

There’s a nice high quality version of the above image on Arriva’s website.

Read the rest of this post »

26th July 2007

News Splash!
Posted by at 6.33pm | In the News | No responses

As Britain sinks slowly into the sea, here are some other things that happened recently, with comments by me:-

Girl Guides want safe sex advice
I want to know what the little picture on the badge would look like.
Cat curls up next to patients about to die
My cat curls up next to me all the time. I thought it was just to keep warm, but maybe I should be thinking about making a will.
Yet another TV phone-in scam
British Comedy Awards viewers now know how Norman Lamont felt.
David Cameron criticised for going to Africa during floods crisis
Hug a hoodie! Mrs Thatcher was evil! Tony Blair lies! Ooh, satire! Give me a Radio 4 comedy show!

27th July 2007

Blame the elderly, oh how they smell to me
Posted by at 1.20pm | Fun | No responses

There’s an awful lot of crap videos on YouTube. This isn’t one of them:-

But can his cat play the piano? (found via Andrew Sullivan)

28th July 2007

“Look in the tunk” — he must mean “trunk”
Posted by at 10.43am | It's My Life | No responses

I got the quote wrong, didn’t I? It’s I Choo-Choo Choose You.

Luckily, no-one noticed — because no-one is reading!

31st July 2007

Boriswatch
Posted by at 11.21pm | In the News, Politics | No responses

The London Paper have an interesting interpretation of the phrase “Private and Confidential” and have released Boris Johnson’s joke-laden and completely unserious-sounding application form. I’m not sure why they’re making a fuss — I’ve had very limited exposure to London, but I do know that to survive it requires a sense of humour.

EXAMPLES OF CHALLENGES FACED
Please give 3 examples of challenges you have faced and the outcome.

  1. Trying to help raise 4 children in inner London. Outcome too early to call, but looking promising.
  2. Taking on Blair and Campbell in the battle of Black Rod’s Memorandum on the Queen Mother’s Lying-in-State. Outcome: total victory.
  3. Negotiating Hyde Park Corner by bicycle. Outcome: survival.

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