Robert Hampton

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April 2004

1st April 2004

It’s after 12 o’clock anyway
Posted by at 7.48pm | Uncategorised | No responses

In 1992 National Public Radio’s Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn’t do anything wrong, and I won’t do it again."

The above is number 6 on the Top 100 April Fool’s Day Hoaxes of All Time. I should have done something for April Fools Day here, but I forgot about it completely until 11:45pm last night, when it was too late to do anything. Oh well, there’s always next year.

5th April 2004

Don’t you know there’s a war on?
Posted by at 10.49pm | Uncategorised | No responses

I remember in the immediate aftermath of September 11th, the Daily Mirror said that the public mood had changed and, in response, they would concentrate more on serious issues and less on the traditional tabloid fodder of sex’n’celebs…

MY SISTER DID HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH BECKS

This is happening as well, y’know.

8th April 2004

Royal Flush
Posted by at 10.54pm | Uncategorised | No responses

"WHERE WERE ALL THE PEOPLE?" asked the Liverpool Echo as a crowd failed to materialise for the Queen when she arrived in Liverpool this morning.

Maybe I’m missing something, but given that it was 11am on a normal weekday, maybe all the people were …at work? You know, that thing us poor people have to do to get money?

11th April 2004

Join us… Join us…
Posted by at 2.05pm | Uncategorised | No responses

Michael Palin, Pete Waterman… and now, The Fast Show‘s Mark Williams shows his rail enthusiast colours. Discovery Channel are showing an all day marathon of Mark Williams on the Rails. And very good it is too.

13th April 2004

Coming over all Tom Sawyer (that must have been messy)
Posted by at 11.25pm | Uncategorised | No responses

I painted a fence yesterday.

17th April 2004

Brrr
Posted by at 8.11pm | Uncategorised | No responses

The central heating has broken down. It works, but the boiler is emitting large quantities of gas into my sister’s bedroom. An emergency family meeting was convened where, by 3 votes to 1, it was decided to turn the boiler off. Guess who voted against?

It’s not as heartless as it sounds — she could have opened a window.

19th April 2004

Quote of the day
Posted by at 7.30pm | Uncategorised | No responses

…if not the entire year, comes from Gregor White in a Guardian discussion about blogging:

Blogging is slightly addictive, but so is wanking.

21st April 2004

Two from the senility pile
Posted by at 8.49pm | Uncategorised | No responses

I had a blog entry all planned out, but I’ve completely forgotten what it was going to be about (it was something to do with Merseyrail, but that’s about all I can remember).

Tonight I left the gym, satisfied after an hour or so’s workout. Had the nagging feeling I’d left something behind. Was it my keys? My wallet? My TRIO ticket? No.

Got halfway to Moorfields station before I realised that my big hefty sports bag — the impossibly bulky thing that you couldn’t possibly forget about — was still sitting on a bench in the changing room.

I can almost hear the brain cells decaying…

22nd April 2004

Liverpool 2008
Posted by at 5.41pm | Uncategorised | No responses

It just keeps getting better and better.

23rd April 2004

Oh to be in England
Posted by at 7.27pm | Uncategorised | No responses

I’m always hearing complaints about how nobody celebrates St George’s Day. I was determined to put this right this year, until I realised I don’t know what you’re supposed to do. What is the traditional St George’s Day celebration?

Seriously, I don’t know. Is it just a matter of waving a flag around? If so, then I’m more than happy to oblige:-

England Flag

(it doesn’t wave by itself, so… er, waggle your monitor back and forth, or something)

24th April 2004

Paper Man (based on a true story)
Posted by at 11.09pm | Uncategorised | 1 response

1. INT. NEWSAGENT’S. DAY

A FRIENDLY MAN STANDS BEHIND A COUNTER. OUR HERO, ROBERT, ENTERS THE STORE.

ROBERT:

I would like a Daily Mirror and Daily Mail, please.

NEWSAGENT:

I’m sorry, we’ve sold out of the Daily Mail.

ROBERT:

Ah, I’ll just take the Mirror, then.

NEWSAGENT:

That’ll be 45p, please.

ROBERT (OUR HERO, REMEMBER?) HANDS OVER THE MONEY AND LEAVES, WHISTLING JAUNTILY AS HE GOES.

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