Robert Hampton

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15th September 2006

Be bold in updating pages
Posted by at 9.53pm | No responses | Web

I don’t condone Wikipedia vandalism in any form, but I’ll be more forgiving if you’re a bit creative.

Take the page all about my beloved alma mater, for example.

You have the incorrigibly juvenile vandal:-

suck my anus

And the slightly more subtle “might miss it at first glance” vandal:-

The primary sports played by the school are rugby union, field hockey and cricket, however association football has recently been introduced as an “official school” sport and looks set to challenge the more established sports in coming years. The rugby training staff includes Ian McKie, former Scottish international, and Mike Slemen, former England international and team selector. The school also has a Combined Cadet Force, run in conjunction with Merchant Taylors’ School for Minge.

However, this doesn’t impress me. Any idiot (for example, the idiots quoted above) can go to Wikipedia and insert a sweary word or gay sex reference into an article. But come on: where’s the ingenuity? Where’s the flair? Where’s the honest-to-god old fashioned showmanship?

Luckily, things improve. You can’t go wrong with a Hitler reference:-

Notable alumni

Alumni of MTS Crosby are known as “Old Crosbeians”

  • Adolf Hitler

But it doesn’t stop there: there’s an even more famous Old Crosbeian:-

  • Jesus Christ of Nazareth. While debateable, several notable scholars, including God, have testified to Jesus being a pupil at Merchant Taylors Crosby. It is believed he attended the school between the years of 25 B.C. and 31 B.C. before allegedly being expelled for womanising.

Even more fun are the libellous comments posted about staff members:-

The school also has a boat house in the nearby town of Southport for its Rowing team – headed by devoted ex-rugby player and rower himself, Peter Little, (So named due to his miniscule stature and stupid face)

But someone else decided to post an even more thorough critique:-


Many pupils believe this to be the weakest department in the school, with Dr Cowling heading up an incompetent team including himself, Mr Freedman and Mrs Knaggs. Although they understand Biology (Mrs Knaggs mainly only when she has books with it all in near to her) their ability to teach is questionable at best.

David Cook has made many alterations to the way the school has been run, firstly forbidding Headbutts then soon followed up with a message to the school that they weren’t to be afraid of their birthdays.

Followed by a shocking smear on the very character of the school itself:-

Merchants … currently caters for 800 day pupils between the ages of 11 and 19 the vast majority of whom are completely socially retarded (with an additional 150 little Hoo Har Henrys in the Junior School).

The rugby training staff includes … Mike “Adolf” Slemen, former England international, team selector and professional Nazi. Adolf insists that training sessions are conducted in full leather jockstraps with S&M whips for spanking.

The current headmaster is David Cook, who replaced the retiring Simon (The Sunbed Kid) Dawkins in 2005. The latter now spends his days applying carrot oil to his bald head on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean.

I have to say, if PE lessons had incorporated leather jockstraps and S&M whips, I’d have enjoyed them a lot more.

If someone could explain the running joke about headbutts, as seen here and here, I’d be grateful.

So, in short, Wikipedia vandalism is not big, sometimes clever, but even when it is, you shouldn’t do it. Don’t make me get all {{sprotect}} on you!

Ironically, while I was writing this blog post, went down and all I could get was an error message saying “Wikipedia has a problem”.

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