Another visitor! Stay a while… stay forever!
We’re getting our kitchen enlarged. Unfortunately, this enlargement is only possible if we remove the old kitchen first.
Consequently, our fridge is in the living room (convenient!), our running water supply is a tap on the end of a pipe sticking out of the floor (not convenient), and we’re washing the dishes in a bowl in the garden (possibly unhygienic).
This could get very tiresome very quickly.
I hate cyclists who think the Highway Code applies to everyone except them — I was nearly knocked over in town today by some muppet riding through a red light, who then pulled faces at me as if I’d done something wrong!
And I’d like to reserve a special place in hell for that bloke in Church Street who sells those little things that kids can put in their mouth and use to make animal sounds. I was followed around WHSmith by a nine-year-old making monkey noises, which is not what I need during my precious 60 minutes of lunch break.
Someone tell me it’s not just me?
I finally caved in to the realities of modern life and purchased a mobile phone. A verrry nice Sony Ericsson T610 with colour screen and picture capability. I’m sure that as soon as I’ve worked out how to use it, I’ll wonder how I ever managed without it.
So, I can now be contacted at any time, anywhere.
Except nobody ever does…
Apparently you can send these things called "text messages" from mobile phones. Not sure I’m going to get into that side of things: I h8 abrvtns.
I also hate admitting that for the first time ever, I am absolutely clueless about something technological in nature. I’m the only person in this house who can set the video recorder, the person who has to alter all the digital clocks when British Summer Time ends, the one who has to clean up all the spyware my sister inadvertently installs on her PC. But now I’m thrust into a strange new world, a frightening place filled with SIM cards, top-up vouchers and WAP browsers. I need someone to hold my hand (figuratively speaking of course, although literally would be nice too).
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I’ve just managed to cut my finger while reading a Soap episode guide.
Long story.
Wayne Rooney is set to move to Manchester United. The following extracts are presented without comment:-
The latest Goodison Park graffiti reads: "Could have been a god but chose to be a devil."
No sooner have ground staff painted over the latest anti-Rooney slogan at Goodison than a new one appears.
"He chose Man United with all the history of hatred between them and us."
At the official Everton Shop near Central station, drunk fans have been shouting abuse at staff as they make their way home.