Robert Hampton

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April 2007

1st April 2007

Posted by at 12.06am | Meta | 2 responses

Hosting Problems. Will try and get them sorted out ASAP.

2nd April 2007

Posted by at 7.51pm | Fun | 2 responses

No Glastonbury tickets? Fear not, eBay has the solution.

UPDATE: Gah, they’ve pulled it already. If you missed it, you can rest assured that it was quite amusing.

4th April 2007

You’ve Been Framed
Posted by at 7.52pm | In the News | No responses

I was going to post something about the frankly creepy talking CCTV cameras that are slowly spreading across the country.

Instead, however, let me refer you to Harry Hutton, who has already said everything I wanted to say:

Who are these people issuing the orders? If anyone can give me the name and address of one, I’ll follow him around with a bullhorn, yelling impertinent advice in his ear-hole all day. See how he likes it.

I’ll tell you what might work. Instead of badgering everyone from a control centre, they could dress up in nice blue uniforms and go down and stand in the street. We could call them “policemen”.

5th April 2007

It’s just a bunch of stuff that happened

My senile dementia moment of the week came as I was tweaking this blog post, adding a little bit here and editing for clarity there… when all of a sudden I realised I was absent-mindedly chewing a lump of BluTack. But enough of that! Here are some events that took place:

Doctor Who wasn’t shit after all! Hurray!

My small contribution to the Oh-God-RISC-OS-is-finished bandwagon was linked from The Icon Bar. Wish it was about something a bit more cheerful, but never mind — fame at last! This is up there with the time Acorn User put NetReact on their cover disc!

Other people have been posting computer-related rants too: The Register has a fine essay on one person’s Dell-related woes. The article worried me because I have exactly the same problem as the author with the vibrating disc drive. A quick slap on the top of the case usually stops it temporarily, but you’re not supposed to do that to a machine containing lots of sensitive hardware, surely?

Meanwhile, a deluge of comment spam has descended on the blog over the weekend, all of which has thankfully been caught by Akismet before it reaches your innocent young eyes. Nevertheless, lucky old me gets to sift through the spam bin and delete links to “Aggregator of ass sites” and various other delights.

Then on Tuesday I bumped into former school-type person Julian Shepherd outside Liverpool Central station. Which was nice, if brief.

While I’m on the subject of school, I’ll link this, for the benefit of people who didn’t see Jay’s comment. It’s quite scarily awful, yet somehow compelling to watch.

7th April 2007

I predict a diet
Posted by at 4.29pm | It's My Life | No responses

I’ve just eaten about ten custard creams, and now I feel sick.

My priest was right, I am my own worst enemy. 🙁

9th April 2007

Cat and mouse
Posted by at 12.49am | Cats | No responses

Max the CatI’ve spent the last half hour at the window, watching Max (our cat) expertly catch, play with and — eventually — kill an unfortunate mouse.

From a strictly moral standpoint I suppose I should have intervened to stop this gory spectacle, but from an entertainment viewpoint it was an excellent night’s viewing. Isn’t Mother Nature wonderful? It’s like God’s version of Zone Reality.

The only problem is, now Max is sitting at the door wanting to come in… AND HE STILL HAS IT IN HIS MOUTH!

12th April 2007

This week, Robert has been…
  • …watching the most excellent Win, Lose or Draw on Challenge and pretending it’s school holidays, circa 1998.
  • …looking at pictures of rusty trains, which made him feel depressed.
  • …listening to the great Ross Noble On… CD which just arrived from Amazon.
  • …relieved to receive his new debit card, days before the old one was due to expire.
  • …celebrating because a model railway featured as a major plot point in tonight’s Neighbours.
  • …pondering why he keeps getting a 404 Not Found error when he tries to post this entry (I think I’ve accidentally triggered some hidden WordPress security feature by trying to include an Amazon referral link).

13th April 2007

Best. Soundbite. Ever
Posted by at 7.52pm | In the News | No responses

“It’s like house rape!”

14th April 2007

Some day my Prince will come
Posted by at 11.29pm | In the News | No responses

Why has Prince William and Kate Wotsername been the top story on BBC News all day?! There are people being blown up in Baghdad! Point your cameras at that!

If “Wills” shacks up with a 54-year-old steelworker named Dave, that might be newsworthy. Until then, I’m not interested!

20th April 2007


You know how when you’re in the Quiet Coach on an express train, and someone pulls out a mobile phone or MP3 player and starts using it, and you just look the other way and pretend it doesn’t bother you, even though it’s killing you inside?

OK, let me rephrase that: When I’m in the Quiet Coach on an express train and someone pulls out a mobile phone or MP3 player and starts using it, I just look the other way and pretend it doesn’t bother me, even though it’s killing me inside.

Luckily, today I didn’t have to do anything, because some elderly lady (who had a whiff of 1950s schoolmistress about her) gave a stern telling off, not once, but twice, to the transgressors on the train I was on. On the second occasion it was to an extremely large scally type, who, despite having youth on his side, didn’t dare to argue with her. I think he was right not to.

I would say “bravo!” to her, but when we got to Lime Street she prevented everybody else in the carriage from getting off while she slowly and carefully (too carefully) got her luggage down from the overhead rack. So now I hate her and want her to die. And the Nokia ringtone to play at her funeral..

21st April 2007

Won’t it be strange when we’re all fully grown?
Posted by at 2.40pm | Fun | No responses

Hilarious stuff, from an old 1900 article predicting what life will be like in 2000:-

Fast electric ships, crossing the ocean at more than a mile a minute, will go from New York to Liverpool in two days. The bodies of these ships will be built above the waves. They will be supported upon runners, somewhat like those of the sleigh. These runners will be very buoyant. Upon their under sides will be apertures expelling jets of air. In this way a film of air will be kept between them and the water’s surface. This film, together with the small surface of the runners, will reduce friction against the waves to the smallest possible degree. Propellers turned by electricity will screw themselves through both the water beneath and the air above.

(from, found via The Daily Dish)

22nd April 2007

How do you solve a problem like Maria (Eagle MP, who’s actually not involved in these elections at all so the premise of that punny title is flimsy to say the least)?
Posted by at 3.48pm | Politics | No responses

Local elections are nearly here. It’s like bad Saturday night telly, but with bin collection and leisure centre provision instead of West End musicals!

I got my postal voting ballot paper on Saturday morning. Now, which party should I vote for — the useless lot, the liars, or one of the ones which have no hope of winning whatsoever (in my neck of the woods, at any rate)?

Every year there’s talk of voter apathy, and this year it seems to have extended to the parties themselves — I don’t think I’ve had a single piece of election propaganda pushed through my letterbox yet. How am I supposed to make an informed choice without a “Lib Dems are eating your children” newsletter from the Labour party?

By the way, if you’re a lunatic or idiot, you’re not allowed to vote. So that’s why turnout is so low.

26th April 2007

Some sort of pun on the name “Attitude” which I can’t think of right now (it’s late, okay?)
Posted by at 11.32pm | It's My Life | No responses

There seems to be some sort of undercover marketing effort going on in WHSmith. Every time I go in there, there are one or two copies of Attitude magazine mixed up in the kids section with the Tracy Beaker comics.

Obviously this is a deliberate ploy, part of the 2007 homosexual recruitment drive. Quick, someone alert Richard Littlejohn!

27th April 2007

Posted by at 10.28pm | Television | 3 responses


Long-running Australian soap Neighbours could be dropped by the BBC following protracted negotiations over broadcasting rights.

This would be a disaster for British television. I like Neighbours, mainly because, unlike the UK soaps, the storylines are never boring and move along at a fair old clip. Stingray an alcoholic? Only for six weeks! Bree a published novelist? No-one mentions that any more! Toadie shot in the back and nearly killed? He’s fine now!

More than anything else, the Neighbours doesn’t take itself too seriously (compare the dreadfully miserable and po-faced EastEnders). The absolute highlight at the moment is the current storyline about Karl and his chicken, Springsteen, which came to a hilarious conclusion on BBC One earlier today, complete with an emotionally-charged flashback scene and everything!

The opening titles say it best: Everybody needs good Neighbours. Except they don’t use that bit in the opening titles any more. But they should!

(by the way, there are no spoilers for UK viewers in the clip above, but if you click through to the YouTube page itself, there are spoilers a-plenty. You have been warned)